Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
