I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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