Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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