I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
