I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
