I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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