You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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