Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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