I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
