I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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