I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
