watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
