I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
