Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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