I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
