It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
