i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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