I met the friendliest cop last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did i walk over a car last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
