just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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