did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
