Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
