those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
