I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
