I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
