Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
