My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
