Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize