we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
