Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
North Korea, Best Korea!
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
