a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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