yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
