No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There was a lot of him and a little penis
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
