your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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