I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
