Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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