I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
