It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
