I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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