Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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