I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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