my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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