Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
