Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
