every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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