Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
