I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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