my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize