What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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