So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
