he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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