what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
