i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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