Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
