I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
