please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
