I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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