I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
