she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
