God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
