I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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