I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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