Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize