Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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