a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
