Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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