If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
