david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize