I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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