Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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