Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize