dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
