You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sex in a hospital.. check
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize